You can’t deny your passion, nor your destiny…

I gave up this game. I really did. I did it for 2 people. My ex, and almighty God. But it was never a decision for myself. I loved this game. It defined me. It was a part of me, like a marriage, like a love so true that you could never fathom. When I was a teen, I could play for hours non-stop. When I turned 21, I could play the game for an entire day. And those days when I played… I knew what meaning was. I knew what life was. I enjoyed every second of it. But since the first day I got attached… she wanted me to give it up. I was distraught… and I sold everything. I stopped. That was in 2005. I was broke, jobless, and it wasn’t practical to keep my cues anymore. My playing cue and break jump cue were the best pieces I’ve ever owned. Just like how a japanese chef had best knives to slice sashimi. I think I probably shedded tears when I had to part with them. It hurt. It really did.

After a year, I had a more stable job, and could afford a entirely new set. I did get that set, but…. that had to go too… cos God needed me to prove something to Him… to prove that He was still more important, that He was number one. It was really hard for me. But the fact about life is that things will only belong to you if it was meant to be your’s. During that time, I was so busy that I didn’t have time for the game at all, and the case had already collected dust. It was true. No matter how hard you want to keep something but doesn’t belong to you, you’ll eventually need to give it up. I did just that. And I felt relieved that I did it. I gave up the game. I really did. And I gave up my relationship along with it too. It just wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t imagine being married to a woman who had nothing but endless needs to fulfill.

But afterward… I really didn’t know what to do with my life. Sure… career advancement, get good salary, meet a nicer girl, get a house, buy a car, settle down, lead a peaceful life. But really… all these things just don’t bring me peace… money bought security, but another girlfriend? After my past relationship, I really wonder why women want to get married. I started to wonder why would I wanna be in a relationship for the sake of it, or being married for the sake of it. Its just sick. I cannot possibly do it. And I didn’t meet any girl who knew me… who knew what its like to truly love a sport. No I haven’t given up dating for pool, but I can’t go through what I did with my ex again despite the fact that it was necessary for me to learn that pool isn’t everything.

It felt so strange to not play pool. The psp couldn’t replace the void. I tried watching lots of tv and serials to pass time… but still… that didn’t make life any nicer or more interesting. Everything else remained the same… there wasn’t any type of progress outside my work. I’d not gone to church for awhile due to my exams, and studying for exams and listening to sermons just didn’t make me feel any smarter or more accomplished. Because everyone else was doing it. It just defined what the world was about… but it couldn’t define what I was about. Society wasn’t going to allow me that freedom to express art and technical ability and practice those abilities. Pool, did more than allow me to express my creativity and technical skills… it brought me the purest of joy and freedom. After playing for over 10 years, I still experience that same joy and freedom everytime I play.

When was the last time you did something for a decade, and enjoyed every single moment of it? Why does a person’s life have to be determined by the environment, why can’t it be the other way? Seriously this country’s fate is determined by others, and hardly by it’s own people. At least… let me have a say, let me have my way. At least, let me have my dignity.