Sick and emotions kicking in…

Its one of those days… I caught the cold a couple of days ago. And now its come full blown into phlegm and suspecting an infection.

It wasn’t a bad weekend really, but being sick didn’t really help. This weekend I didn’t attend service in church for a spiritual recharge… well… at times I battle with myself whether I’ll end up with a bad week ahead for not recharging, also thinking rationally that it shouldn’t happen unless you screwed up real bad, and if that happened it had nothing to do with spiritual recharging or not. I guess this just means that God means a lot to me, as for why, at the moment I don’t really know whether its because of habit, or really because of the Holy Spirit. Yeah its one of those days where doubts set in and kinda mushes up the infrastructure of my thoughts.

Ecclesiastes 1: 18
For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

I wouldn’t say that I know a lot… but I think I know enough to feel the sorrow that comes with knowledge… knowing that I’m not perfect, and many times, acknowledging that my very own beliefs aren’t perfect. Which confuses me at times when I look for a certain direction to go, but discover that the direction isn’t as picture perfect as it appears on the surface. As most people will say, give and take, there’re always disadvantages and advantages when it comes to solutions… and we are always constantly faced with change and challenges… leading to sorrow at times. Well, at least that’s how I interpret the verse. And I just feel that this verse is really reflective of my current state of mind.

A lot of people will probably agree that I’m thinking too much, but nevertheless my desire for expression of thoughts is exceeding the likelihood of keeping my mouth shut for the sake of my pride. Hmm… I realize I have a knack of really long sentences that make things really hard to understand at times.

Its almost 10pm, and although I hope to sleep early, haven’t had dinner yet due to a lack of appetite earlier on.

As I just ironed my clothes awhile ago, I lost my train of thought while writing… now its come back to me… earlier on FS messaged me on MSN and his nick wrote “Do you need to be a doctor or lawyer to be successful?” My first reaction in my head was “of course not” but further pondering, a lot lawyers and doctors are deemed to be successful. Well… what dawned on me was whether the statement was true or false? And for a moment I just got confused as to what’s true and not true about everything in the entire universe.

My only conclusion is that half truths exist. And my mind’s just on an endless roll asking “then is God a half-truth?”. You know… there is just so much truth in the Bible about how to lead your life to make it great and wholesome… and there are just so many people out there who don’t think they need to know it to lead a better life, and probably because its associated to the existence of God. And for this very basis don’t believe that being in any sort of religion can improve the status of their lives, well… maybe because believing in a God is deemed as ”foolish” or “irrational” when we live in a rational world of logic and science. And that statement in itself isn’t 100% true at all…

I just hope my mind stops thinking because eventually I think I’ll just become insane with all these endless questions… it just reminded me of the time my ex told me that there is only one truth… and I never enabled to reconcile with that opinion… but I wonder whether that made life more easy or difficult… God I have the most frustrating and confusing thoughts.

Its also one of those days where I just feel alone and hoping there was some company to comfort the endless stream of pointless questions in my head… really not to tell me how I should be thinking… but it’d be comforting for someone to just say “Stop thinking and let’s do something together”… companionship… when will I meet that person who can pull me away from insanity…